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I bounded up the stairs, fleeing the main floor of the house where Trevor’s nearly comatose state cast a dark pallor on the energetic but constant needs of my children. The demands of that day, the homeschooling, the panic attacks, the depression, the messy kitchen, the chaos, the fears were all suffocating me….

My feet fall into the cadence of the music I have playing while I go for my morning run. The lilting voice declares she will boldly go into the house of grief. The words of this song have been playing on repeat in my mind for several days now….

There is a man very dear to my heart who attends the church where I grew up. His name is John….

The list of things mental illness and my own poor mental health has taken from me is long. But, it has given good things as well.

I love when something old and familiar suddenly becomes new and alive. I’ve heard, like most people, Psalm 23 many, many times, but I recently encountered an observation that breathed new life into the text for me.

I wrote this poem on the evening of a particularly taxing day for Trevor when he told me he was losing hope after months of battling panic attacks, OCD and depression. It took me quite a while to work up the nerve to read it to him, but I know there are others out there who understand what it is like when the person you love walks where you cannot follow. 

The reality is for every person with a mental illness, there are even more individuals like me, desperately trying to care for and help the ones they love as they travel this lonely, terrifying road together.

Make no mistake, mental illness is real. Before I witnessed its devastating effects on my husband, Trevor, I lumped mental illness into the same category as making poor financial decisions or illiteracy: preventable with the right education and very much a matter of will. Not only was I wrong, but it's much more complex than that. I had a lot to learn.

God asked me to sing, but as I sheepishly start to lift up the beginning strands of my song, I hear others singing too, both lamenting and praising.

I’ve always wanted to write a book, but never this book…

Hi there! I’m Jenni. I’m glad you’ve found your way to my humble corner of the internet. I  thought I would introduce myself.